Pee in a bottle

It's the next best thing to sliced bread.  For boys that is.  I remember as a kid, my brothers would often go pee in a bottle on our Rampton family road trips (my parents were forced to be innovative on these long trips with 7 kids in order to get anywhere).  I hadn't instituted this tradition with my own kids quite yet (once we were on a road trip I had proposed the idea to my husband who flat out rejected it and said "no way!").  But I found myself in a dire situation a few days ago, on my own with the kids so my husband wasn't there to steer my ideas in a different direction. 

I'd taken the kids to go swimming with my friend Briawna and Stephanie and their kids.  We'd had a blast at the pool.  It was uber hot (triple digits) and I was loading my kids up in the van.  The boys were were hot and whiny, Alice was hungry and tired.  I had finally finished the task of getting all of our junk and pool toys in the van, along with the chillins all seat-belted up, when Johnny says "I have to go to the bathroom".  I heaved a heavy sigh and thought about how much effort it was going to take to unload my baby again, unload my 2 boys, find a way back into the pool (you have to have a badge) and use the bathroom (I must admit, taking all 3 kids to a public restroom is not on my favorites list- "DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!").  I asked Johnny if he could hold it and he whined "No!  I have to go now!"

I thought about letting him just water the grass, but then the thought crossed my mind as I scanned the really nice neighborhood that surrounded us "I wonder if I could get arrested for letting my kid pee here".  I began to get desperate and my eyes scanned the floor of our van that was cluttered with empty water bottles all about.  "Here, pee in one of these".  It was the most genius idea I'd had all day.  It fit perfectly, and made even less mess than peeing the "real" normal way.  And Johnny felt pretty darn cool.  We teased each other all the way home about it being lemonade and how we were going to get Daddy to drink it.

I'm so naughty I know.  But there is a story behind that- when I was younger, one hot summer day, my parents took us kids canoeing down the Willamette river.  Half way down the river, my little brother says "I have to go pee", and ends up peeing in a 7-up can.  I don't know why he didn't just go in the river- we must have been floating the river with family friends or something.  In any case, I didn't know my little brother had filled up this 7-up can with pee (I was in a different canoe).  When we finished the long, hot day of floating, we all piled into our van, and my mom who is sitting in the front turns around (I should have known better as she was totally smiling) and says "who wants some 7-up?".  She said I grabbed the can and took a gulp so fast, there was no time to tell me "no! I'm just kidding!".  In my family of 7 kids, when something good was offered- like soda (soda pop was a rare treat in my family), you were going to have share it with 7 other slobbery mouths.  And I remember my brother telling me once that whoever got the last gulp was drinking 35% spit.  So I knew my odds, and thus I grabbed the 7-up can as quickly as I could and took the first 100% spit-free sip.  Except it wasn't a sip, but rather a gulp as I was oh so thirsty.

It tasted so gross.  Like warm ammonia. Thanks Mom.

While on the subject, look at this invention.  So funny.  But why would you make an "official bottle" out of it?  Kinda gross.  I think using an old water bottle that you can just toss is much more ingenious!

What's your pee in a bottle story?